cute · pitite · and · everything · sweet

wow long time no typeing lol well things are great im back in school for my cda so i can be a lead teacher and i have a wonderful boyfriend he is so sweet and trusing and treats me amazingly its so wonderful i just don know what to say but everything is perfect i have no regrets about my past now i dont feel bad for anything ive done anymore because he understand that people can change and i have. now i just am happy to be me for the first time in a really really long time.

well everything is going ok lately i did a girls gone wild video thing that was fun and i hung out with some people lately that i havnt seen in a while plus ive kinda been hiding out in sunbury lately of the map ya know well anyway ive been chillin with forest alot lately i dont really know whats going on there but i guess were having fun and im going out tonight to a party. i wanna get my own place again and move closer and i regestered for my classes i start in a couple weeks for ece again and i gotta few daycares that are hiring right now. maybe now is the time for everything to be ok for me im derfinataly in need of it. its been so long since ive actually been happy and now i dont care about guys or needing someone so now i can concentrate on just making life work. soon i will be good back where i should be no more thinking about getting married i guess its better that it didnt work out he wasnt the right guy and i knew that i just wanted to have my life but it wouldnt have been much of a life if i had settled sorry if your read this matt but its true and you know it too. right now i feel like i could literally care less if there was a man in my life i just want to get going again day to day thats all i need now its like a great feeling to just let go of all the false needs and just let the true ones weigh on me

ok so lately ive been having some issues with guys, everyone knows i like joe but he failed to mention that he and his girlfriend who i didnt know he was still with are still together and that she is moving here so they can get a place together so im a little upset by that plus he wants me to chill with them and i just dont think thats gunna happen he already told me she doesnt like me, jelouse or somthing, and he was cheatin on her for a while with me so yeah not gunna chill with them

also ive been hangin out at a fiends house and i like him and he likes me but we couldnt hook up just to many things that he does i would have a issue with.

lets see what else oh and lerrie called me friday and desided whole heartedly that me and his friend marty would be perfect for each other well with alot of pushing on lerrie's part weve been talking an little bit and i met him today. he seems nice and is def. cute but yeah i am just a little to she to say anything but yeah im sure lerrie will say it for me and probably add a little he thinks he should. but yeah thats just him.

i and ive been chillin in sunbury alot with my mom and its getting to be ok i still dont know anyone though but i hope i will soon i dunno been chillin with old midgard buddies alot none of my old roommates have contact with me anymore and i can say i really dont mind that i mean ive actually grown up and they havnt i dont need to hang out with those childish people anymore all they do is cause trouble with people anyway and they wonder why so many wanna beat the hell out of em. yeah well im tired bedtime muah byebye sweets

wow so much has been goin on lately all the guys at the apartment have been verbally abusing me well they keep degrading me and watching me cry and beg them to stop and still keep doin it so i moved out back to my moms house also though the other night i tried to have coffee with matt and shit happened bad shit and he was over trying to get his board back and we wouldnt give it to him then he was saying shit to me and he went to leave and clint hit his car with a beer can then matt pushed clint and they were talking shit to each other and clint ended up punching him. which was the first time anyone has ever stood up for me before. oh yeah and me and ty broke up like a week ago. then last night i was over there and they said a few thing so i went with my sister to a party at scott's house and i had alot of fun to my surprise. after that i went back to hoodratts apartment and the boys played a fucking prank on me so i said fuck you and left im not going back if i loose the few people over there that actually are my friends fine whatever as long as i dont have to put up with the rest of them. well yeah lifes pretty fucked up.

dude shit has been so crappy i have been drunk for two weeks strait basically since the day i got back to ohio and me and stephan broke up so i hooked up with ty then on last friday skippy showed up at my house with stephan who pulled the whole i care about you thing so i started crying then of course he was there for a sholder to cry on then he tried to fuck me luckly it didnt happen cause ty is pretty good to me but then i took him back he did it all day so i left then skippy called and i went back and stephan was hanging out with another girl ok whatever right but he didnt even like talk to me at all that kinda pissed me off then well weve just been partying and matt bitched me out and told me he broke up with me because he couldnt stand me then said he is jelouse of ty which makes no fucking sense. i mean my be jelouse of someone being with a person you cant stand well whatever and apparently matt fucked two people since we broke up some guy and jaci the girl he originally cheated on me with when we were together which im not mad i have to really to be ive fucked people to but i do get pleasure from the thought that once again i was right hehe. also then last night ty passed out and i was talking to clint. he is a really stong willed person and we seem to have alot in common it was cool we had alot of fun talking i think i mean i was pretty smashed so i dont really remember to much i do remember thinking how much he reminds me of joe joe and i fell asleep with him on the futon with i think pissed on ty but he'll get over it. also today i passed out in my bed and had the wierdest dream ever like i woke up from a dream and then relized when i woke up from the dream that it was another dream then i woke up again to realize that that one was a dream to then still again i woke up but this time it was really i called my momma to make sure i was really awake. it was crazy and really really wierd. but i did learn somthing from it. you never know when your gunna wake up so do as much you can to be happy and take the chances to be happy while you can cause you never know when your in a dream.

wow just got back the other day at like six in the morning the vacation fucking sucked i was really sick and ended up at the hospital and out of the eight days i was gone i only really got out for two but on those days i met a really sweet guy and honestly i think meeting someone like that made up for all the horrible days i had down there. also i asked stephan about the loosing interest thing and i was right he said he was. he said that he was just contradicting things like the really likes me and would like to be with me but he is meeting all these different types of people and would like to see what else is there which i understand but after talking for a while and trying to dig somthing out of him to let me know what was going on he said he does wanna be with me but i do know that this will only end up as an experience because it wont last but it is better than just not experienceing it at all. also someone else likes me and has been through alot of hte same things as me and i like him but there are some major issues that makes us not able to do anything about it i dunno its been an interesting week i guess.

hey been a bit well anywayz i been over at skippys alot cause now im seeing his roommate go figure huh but i dunno i think he is loosing interest quick which really sux cause i do like him alot. he seems really nice. also i hung out with this guy kevin last night we had fun he is amusing and great to talk to. im trying to get him to come and drink with me tonight. but yeah. im so excited im going to south carolina tomarrow for a long long needed vacation even if im lonely and bored its gunna be great cause there i wont have a fucking care and i can work my shit out in my head so thatll be good. tonight i went up to larp to see if tj was there but he wasnt and i talked to matt, i know sounds scary huh well it was a little bit but i tried to be friendly cause he is a cool guy as long as im not with him and i wanna be friends. theres no reason for bad feelings even though he does have them but ill keep trying i hope he will come around eventually cause he knows me so well and he would be a good person to talk to about shit and vise versa. yeah the apartment thing has been crazy im not to fond of all the people coming through there to rowdy and into drugs and guns and stuff i dont like it and there not fun rowdy there like jumping people in the parking lot kinda shit it sux so i dont think i will be staying there to often i just need an adress for now and a place for my dog so it works for now so yeah thats my update. hopefully i can get on here again soon and talk about my relaxing time at the beach hehe

ive been having an interesting time. im staying at hoodrats apartment now, and joe came back for the weekend and last saterday i went to skippys for a party with ian and jenny. jenny started messing around with a guy and i told ian i felt left out and lonely and i had told him before about one of skips roommates, stephan, that i liked and ian being ian told him to kiss me. well i had his hat and he was trying to get it back and he kissed me. then i took joe home and i came back. well i hung out with stephan all week pretty much and friday and saterday i stayed over. i was a little nurvous though cause i got butterflies when i was around him and that doesnt happen often in fact it only happened with josh rick and matt. well anyway last night when i was there he asked me out so now im not single sad i know but i dont mind. well yeah kinda happy bout that hehe. also me and jenny want to bike night this past week and met a couple more guys, this was before the boyfriend thing came around, but anywayz we had fun there nice and we are going up again this weekend. jennys ex who hits here is supposed to be there and i am gunna kick his ass plus maybe stephan will come then it could get interesting. anyway yeah hopefully ill be able to write again and wont be in jail but oh well this kid needs a good ass beating

well been moving and not having to much fun with it but been partying a bit. have new people liveing across the street they came and partied with us and one was very friendly hehe yeah and i had a couple of contradicting friends come to help me move then matt showed up wow acwardness. but i am almost done moving out and i have a few people offering couches for me. still dont have a job but oh well and i kinda like someone but have very low expectations of anything further happening. and now i need to eat thanks for the support with the house thing everyone muah i like you alot i think your neat hehe.